waiting it out, and sitting here cold.

i can't remember what i was gonna talk about... But i had an amazing time at Christmas Spectacular! ;] it seems every year that goes by, people wanna jump RIGHT into the next holiday... it's kinda warming knowing that people actually care and wanna keep the warm spirit alive! It was so funny when mom, Nina, Derrick and Julia were describing their stage freight for me being up there! haha i was nervous before going on, but of course lost myself during the time, i always do... especially during performances like that, where it is nothing but a single instrument and my voice! I met a whole lot of people too!!!! all of them i could chill with forever! ;]

but now i sit- well actually lay here bored out of my mind, thinking about how conscience i am over not turning in my homework last week... oops!! majorly procrastinated! haha. i told myself today that i was gonna watch Julie & Julia but totally wooomped on that one and watched other crap instead... tomorrow maybe.. Im wanting more inspiration!!!!!!!!! i have all these tracks to write to and no mind for it... it all came to me at the start, but now all of a sudden i draw a blank! this never happens to me. But i come to think that there is just so many people in the house that i usually do my work extensively alone and junk like that! shizzle! but oh well it will happen soon... i was hoping this weather could boost my emotions a little... maybe a little soul-searching would do the trick... with that i mean finding people to date... and have those kinds of emotion... ahh who knows..

today i think im gonna clean my lil area, then make sure everything is going right. And at least try to get some inspiration out of this secluded emotional boundary that i do have now. haha i've decided im sticking to my hairstyle and i am just gonna make it more and more dramatic as time passes. It's the only variety choice i have at the moment! haha. other than that, lets hope i find something to do. Not smoking, or being lazy is killer. haha i was just beginning to have fun! but i pick love way more over that! hmm, what else? well, im very much wanting to get out of this house as you could probably sence. I always have a lot to think about at night, which is the best time for me to get away... i mentioned on my twitter how i need to put my "Remie" on, siting that i wish to be more intense and direct with my decisions, and at the same time not think about it as much! breaking the mold has always been one of my things, but in my personal life... i set up my natural ways with simplicity rather than optimism. Indeed... IT IS TIME TO CHANGE THAT!

i am noticing big change though... if one thing isn't moving along then is another... gotta keep patience! it's just like.... how to i keep occupied? im so confused, haha i mean i know im thinking about relationships but maybe im too scared of it! it's so crazy cuz like, i watch people go in and out of relationships my whole life, and i feel i know the ins and outs of them all... pretty intence, but for me, i see those things and i NEVER EVER want them to happen to me, i mean i even get the butterfly feeling in my stomach just thinking about it........ that's exactly what i want right now, someone by me at least. cuz i literaly ain't got nothing but thought, myself, words, and plain patience. No one knows exactly how i feel and that is the one thing i am lacking... but music is where i put it all regaurdless if anyone understands at all or not. where's that person in my life life... ya know? hmm... maybe some greater things are on it's way... time will tell..

please tell me stories with your touch
never fill my head with words
and don't blind me with love
hold me with love instead.